| Hi everyone.
I haven't been here in a while...
Although I don't have a lot of time to type...
I assure you all that I'm doing fine in the things I have to do.
I just came here to vent about something...
I feel extremely jealous.
And I know why
and I don't want to feel this way.
and then I feel terrible about feeling jealous...
You see... there are times...
when friend(s) of mine would succeed or accomplish something
and then I start to feel jealous.
and I try my best to feel happy and proud of my friend(s)
But in the end I have jealous creep up.
I get so frustrated about it.
I think why me...
Why can't I have nice things go my way too
and then I tell myself how horrible I am for feeling jealous.
Why can't I just be happy for my friends...
why do I have to feel this way...
I have recently looked on line to find some self help tips on jealousy
But unfortunately the tips and advice seem to be directed for the relationship area
reluctantly I decided to read the advice to see if I could take anything from it...
But unfortunately I haven't gathered that much from it.
So... as far as I can tell... I think what is best for me is to talk/vent about this.
Because if I keep it inside I'll just feel terrible.
I want to be happy. I want to be happy about my friends.
I realized talking about this... that the reason I get jealous
is because I'm angry. I feel angry that I can't do these things
I can't succeed or accomplish the things my friends can.
and then I feel angry. that I'm jealous
I feel like... I possibly need a therapist.
I deal with too much verbal abuse from my mom.
She has depression.
and she can't handle things...
and because her mother and sisters never said "I love you" or showed any loving emotion
my mom can't have a healthy relationship with me.
and in some ways it makes me sad
but in others I feel like I couldn't care less.
I don't know what to do sometimes...
Things get so troubling...
but I guess I can save this whole topic for another post.
I'll be going now
bye.
-Meg
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| Aw yay yesterday was wonderful.
I went out with my three closest friends.
We're all in different colleges now.
So its frustrating trying to get everyone all together.
with each of us in different schools
some of us have jobs and just other things to deal with.
I think you all know what I mean.
So its just wonderful to finally get us all together.
We went to the Holtsville Ecology Site.
It's a zoo where they take care of injured animals.
we all us to go there when we where little...
before we knew each other! haha.
Sometimes I feel bad about animals in zoos
because I don't want them caged.... or something.
But these animals have like a second chance.
They take care of the animals that got hurt.
So now they can be happy again! ^_^ yay!
After seeing the animals we went over one of my friends houses.
And we had a dip in her pool! hooray!
I wish I had a pool! but I'm so glad she lets me use hers!
We got worn out really quickly...
because it was so hot....
Well we had to all go home...
we probably would have hung out longer...
but some of us had appointments and things to do.
I guess this is all apart of growing up. ( lol )
But at least we're all doing the best we can.
And that's all that matters.
Class starts August 31st... I have to admit...
I'm a little nervous about going back...
I mean I shouldn't be... because I've been at this college...
for 2 years and a half now....
I guess... its all in my head right? haha.
alright well time to sort things out! Take care everyone!
-Meg
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| August 8th 2009
At 11:15PM
A car hit us
We got into a car accident.
We all survived.
She cried so hard.
I wanted to hold her...
Till her fear inside vanished.
I held her hand the car ride home.
-Meg
PS: I'm so angry. I think I might hate that man.
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| So then I welcomed my first meal of the day... PB&J
delicious.
Good morning.
my leg hurts...
time to read some manga.
this one looks good.
almost done with this series too. awesome.
-Meg
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| Ah... I haven't gone to sleep...
I spent the rest of my night reading
But I finally finished Flowers for Algernon
Such an incredible book.
I cried after reading it.
I'm so glad I finally read the whole thing.
I read it in a week.
I never read a whole novel/book
in a whole week... a great accomplishment for me!
Well time to start on the next book.
Hopefully it will be just as interesting.
I'll be going now. laters
-Meg
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